Wow, it’s been almost a month since I have sat down to write a post. It also will probably be short and choppy. This is a hard post. This is one I never wanted and definitely do not want any of you to have to experience. On October 17th 2018 My amazing, strong, unstoppable dad lost his 7 year battle with cancer. My whole life. The world that I have known for 22 years has not changed forever. I need to learn to live in a world that my dad is no longer in. Every day is hard to get through. Every day I talk to him, think about him, miss him and remember him. It is amazing how fast your world can tumble down.
I have been coping with depression and anxiety. I have spent the last two years getting healthy and learning to love and care for myself……and now I feel like I am completely starting over. I have so many emotions. I am hurt, sad, scared, and angry at the world for putting me through this. These emotions sit with me. At work and at home. At day and at night. When I am awake and when I sleep. My brain never shuts off. EXCEPT for when I sit down at my vanity and dive in. This change in my life has just strengthened my faith and belief in the healing and comfort that makeup can really supply. In the worst of times, my makeup can capture and draw me in to this world where everything is right, everything makes sense. It’s the way it feels, the way it glides across the skin, the way the colors blend. The physical act of putting on makeup, the way it allows my mind to turn off and focus on nothing but the art I can create on my face. It is really this feeling that I can not put in to words.
I know this was not my most interesting, or fun post, but I feel so much better just attempting to put my feelings into words. Even if they are choppy. poorly written and boring words.
If you take anything out of this post, please take my recommendation to explore your makeup collection. To find your outlet and run with it during any time of need. Use makeup and your vanity to forget about what is and just play. Let your hands and brushes create magic and free your mind.